i already hear my dad disowning me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
