there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
