My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
