You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
