Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
