I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
