what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
