she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
