I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
