Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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