i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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