I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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