i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
