I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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