Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
