Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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