Say something about gay babies.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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