So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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