I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
