is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
