I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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