The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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