So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
