is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
