Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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