I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He better not be in your backpack
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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