D3 body, D1 cock
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She even gives head with a lisp.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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