woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
