so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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