but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are two peas in an std pod
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
