Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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