The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
