I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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