I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
