escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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