I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
