Where did you get a picture of my penis
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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