So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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