yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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