you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize