So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
