god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
