Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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