I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Enjoy the penises
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
