Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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