I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
