saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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