He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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