my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Boobs are out for the taking
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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