If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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