'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
