I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
