he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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