Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
