i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
