i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
