Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
