I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
