thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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