love makes seman taste better
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
