I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
