she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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