are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
