so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
