She's the barista slut.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
