yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
