well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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