White coat. Heels.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Two words: blizzard sex
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
