I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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