We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
