do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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