Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i will never coherently bang her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
