Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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