The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
