Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
