I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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