Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
