12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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