i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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