Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
