there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
