That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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