After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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