wat bout pragnant strippers??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
