I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
