So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
