Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
