Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
