She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
