dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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