he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am naked and annoyed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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