haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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