batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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